1 00:00:01,836 --> 00:00:03,002 [cutlery clanking] 2 00:00:04,305 --> 00:00:08,674 Once again, Kate, excellent meat loaf. 3 00:00:08,676 --> 00:00:11,710 Once again, Kate, meat loaf. 4 00:00:11,712 --> 00:00:15,681 Uh, for your information, that was Salisbury steak. 5 00:00:15,683 --> 00:00:19,018 Great. Meat loaf with an attitude. 6 00:00:19,020 --> 00:00:20,953 (Jake) 'Knock, knock!' 7 00:00:20,955 --> 00:00:23,689 Door's open, Jake. 8 00:00:23,691 --> 00:00:25,824 - Oh, hi, guys. - Hey, Jake! 9 00:00:25,826 --> 00:00:29,495 You're just in time for brandy and cigars. 10 00:00:29,497 --> 00:00:32,064 No brandy, no cigars. 11 00:00:32,066 --> 00:00:33,966 Philistine. 12 00:00:33,968 --> 00:00:35,434 But I can't stay anyway. 13 00:00:35,436 --> 00:00:38,537 Aunt Raquel wants to know if you got any fresh fennel. 14 00:00:38,539 --> 00:00:41,807 Uncle Trevor hates the dry kind. 15 00:00:41,809 --> 00:00:45,377 I'm afraid we're fresh out of f-fresh fennel. 16 00:00:45,379 --> 00:00:47,513 Well, I tried. Thanks anyway. Bye. 17 00:00:47,515 --> 00:00:50,015 - Hey, where you off to? - Home. 18 00:00:50,017 --> 00:00:53,018 Well, we haven't seen you around here for quite a while. 19 00:00:53,020 --> 00:00:55,287 Yeah, well, uh, someone's been stayin' 20 00:00:55,289 --> 00:00:57,456 in our house for a couple of days. 21 00:00:57,458 --> 00:00:59,591 Willingly? 22 00:00:59,593 --> 00:01:01,060 ALF. 23 00:01:01,062 --> 00:01:02,394 A relative? 24 00:01:02,396 --> 00:01:04,663 Hm, sort of, uh.. 25 00:01:04,665 --> 00:01:07,232 - She's my mother. - Mm. 26 00:01:07,234 --> 00:01:09,201 You have a mother? 27 00:01:09,203 --> 00:01:11,403 I'm a mammal, aren't I? 28 00:01:11,405 --> 00:01:12,971 What ALF is trying to say is that 29 00:01:12,973 --> 00:01:14,807 you've never mentioned your mother before. 30 00:01:14,809 --> 00:01:17,576 Yeah, we figured she was dead. 31 00:01:17,578 --> 00:01:19,745 What Brian is trying to say is that 32 00:01:19,747 --> 00:01:21,346 since you live with your aunt and uncle 33 00:01:21,348 --> 00:01:24,049 we thought your mother might perhaps be 34 00:01:24,051 --> 00:01:26,285 well, you know.. 35 00:01:26,287 --> 00:01:27,586 Dead! 36 00:01:28,856 --> 00:01:31,857 [theme music] 37 00:01:59,687 --> 00:02:02,888 [music continues] 38 00:02:30,484 --> 00:02:33,085 [instrumental music] 39 00:02:33,888 --> 00:02:35,420 Look, there must be some reason 40 00:02:35,422 --> 00:02:38,023 Jake never told me about his mother. 41 00:02:38,025 --> 00:02:41,593 We're best friends, blood brothers 42 00:02:41,595 --> 00:02:45,197 two sides of the same Double Stuf Oreo. 43 00:02:45,199 --> 00:02:48,700 I think in some cultures we'd be considered engaged. 44 00:02:50,504 --> 00:02:52,471 Perhaps with you around, he found it difficult 45 00:02:52,473 --> 00:02:55,407 to get a word in edgewise. 46 00:02:55,409 --> 00:02:57,809 Hardy-har. 47 00:02:57,811 --> 00:03:00,646 For your information, Jake tells me everything. 48 00:03:00,648 --> 00:03:02,881 About how his father's in jail 49 00:03:02,883 --> 00:03:05,717 about how he flunked his last math test 50 00:03:05,719 --> 00:03:08,453 about how Trevor and Raquel like to sometimes dress up 51 00:03:08,455 --> 00:03:10,022 like Norwegian.. 52 00:03:11,659 --> 00:03:13,725 Never mind. 53 00:03:13,727 --> 00:03:14,793 [doorbell ringing] 54 00:03:14,795 --> 00:03:16,962 (Raquel) 'Yoo-hoo! It's Raquel!' 55 00:03:16,964 --> 00:03:19,565 Yoo-hoo. Tell her we're not home. 56 00:03:19,567 --> 00:03:20,966 Bye, ALF. 57 00:03:20,968 --> 00:03:24,703 Let her in. I'll pretend I'm a fuzzy lamp. 58 00:03:24,705 --> 00:03:27,272 You can pretend that in the kitchen. 59 00:03:27,274 --> 00:03:29,808 Fine. Which way is the kitchen? 60 00:03:31,779 --> 00:03:34,580 Hey, what do you want from a lamp? 61 00:03:40,588 --> 00:03:41,653 Oh, hi, Raquel. 62 00:03:41,655 --> 00:03:43,422 - Willie, Kate. - Hello, Raquel. 63 00:03:43,424 --> 00:03:44,790 I'd like you to meet my sister-in-law 64 00:03:44,792 --> 00:03:47,326 Elaine Ochmonek. She's Jake's mother. 65 00:03:47,328 --> 00:03:50,495 Elaine, this is Willie Tanner and his wife Kate. 66 00:03:50,497 --> 00:03:53,131 - She's pregnant. - I see that. 67 00:03:53,133 --> 00:03:55,033 - Gee, it's nice to meet you. - Nice to finally meet you. 68 00:03:55,035 --> 00:03:57,703 Please, come in, come in. We are so fond of Jake. 69 00:03:57,705 --> 00:04:00,305 Oh, well, he talks about his-his friends 70 00:04:00,307 --> 00:04:02,107 the Tanners, all the time. 71 00:04:02,109 --> 00:04:04,743 Although, sometimes he does stop rather abruptly 72 00:04:04,745 --> 00:04:06,578 in the middle of a sentence. 73 00:04:06,580 --> 00:04:09,181 Well, don't we all just.. 74 00:04:11,685 --> 00:04:14,686 Don't we all just do that now and again? 75 00:04:16,023 --> 00:04:17,289 No. 76 00:04:19,760 --> 00:04:23,028 Uh, I really appreciate everything you've done for Jake. 77 00:04:23,030 --> 00:04:24,596 It's been hard on him, being away 78 00:04:24,598 --> 00:04:26,064 from all his friends in New York. 79 00:04:26,066 --> 00:04:28,166 Oh, he's become like one of the family. 80 00:04:28,168 --> 00:04:31,103 Maybe we can all get together sometime while you're visiting. 81 00:04:31,105 --> 00:04:33,005 What a lovely idea. 82 00:04:33,007 --> 00:04:36,041 Say, here for dinner, tomorrow 7:30? 83 00:04:36,043 --> 00:04:37,943 - Uh, well-- - 'Please..' 84 00:04:37,945 --> 00:04:40,245 Uh-uh-uh, don't go to any trouble. 85 00:04:40,247 --> 00:04:42,347 - Oh, pish. Kate doesn't mind. - You know.. 86 00:04:42,349 --> 00:04:44,516 Do you, Kate? 87 00:04:44,518 --> 00:04:46,118 Pish? 88 00:04:46,120 --> 00:04:48,787 Good. Besides, they owe us a dinner. 89 00:04:48,789 --> 00:04:50,622 Not that I'm the kind of a person 90 00:04:50,624 --> 00:04:52,724 who would bring that up. 91 00:04:52,726 --> 00:04:55,761 7:30 tomorrow will be fine. 92 00:04:55,763 --> 00:04:58,297 - Nice to meet you. - Nice meeting you. 93 00:04:58,299 --> 00:04:59,898 Buh-bye. Bye. 94 00:04:59,900 --> 00:05:01,166 Toodles! 95 00:05:03,737 --> 00:05:05,103 [door shuts] 96 00:05:09,810 --> 00:05:12,010 - Fuzzy lamp. - Fuzzy lamp. 97 00:05:13,714 --> 00:05:16,915 [instrumental music] 98 00:05:20,688 --> 00:05:22,688 [sighs] Here's the rest of the zucchini, Trevor. 99 00:05:22,690 --> 00:05:24,923 Oh, thanks, Kate. 100 00:05:24,925 --> 00:05:27,125 Why did you say Kate was a bad cook? 101 00:05:28,762 --> 00:05:30,595 Don't talk with your mouth full, Trevor. 102 00:05:30,597 --> 00:05:33,365 In fact, don't talk at all. 103 00:05:34,435 --> 00:05:36,201 Everything is just delicious. 104 00:05:36,203 --> 00:05:37,336 Thank you. 105 00:05:37,338 --> 00:05:39,438 Well, I'm full. Shall we go? 106 00:05:39,440 --> 00:05:43,775 Jake, where are your manners? We just sat down. 107 00:05:43,777 --> 00:05:47,612 Don't you want dessert? Mom defrosted Sara Lee. 108 00:05:47,614 --> 00:05:49,314 [scoffs] Swell. 109 00:05:51,552 --> 00:05:52,818 I brought your supper, ALF. 110 00:05:52,820 --> 00:05:55,420 I had to sneak it past the Ochmoneks. 111 00:05:55,422 --> 00:05:57,556 Thank the warden for me. 112 00:05:57,558 --> 00:06:00,525 Come on, at least mom and dad agreed you could stay up here 113 00:06:00,527 --> 00:06:02,194 instead of the garage. 114 00:06:02,196 --> 00:06:06,331 That's only because the dungeon isn't finished yet. 115 00:06:06,333 --> 00:06:08,600 Stop complaining. 116 00:06:08,602 --> 00:06:10,235 How's it going down there? 117 00:06:10,237 --> 00:06:13,839 Fine. Jake's mother seems very nice. 118 00:06:13,841 --> 00:06:16,975 - How's Jake? - He's still acting weird. 119 00:06:16,977 --> 00:06:20,879 Weird? How weird? A little weird? Medium weird? 120 00:06:20,881 --> 00:06:23,849 Big weird? Or Ochmonek weird? 121 00:06:24,918 --> 00:06:27,486 Uncomfortable weird. 122 00:06:27,488 --> 00:06:30,322 I knew it. She's an impostor. 123 00:06:30,324 --> 00:06:32,057 - Who? - Jake's mother. 124 00:06:32,059 --> 00:06:33,859 She's really not his mother. 125 00:06:33,861 --> 00:06:36,661 She's his father! 126 00:06:36,663 --> 00:06:39,064 I feel another theory coming on. 127 00:06:39,066 --> 00:06:41,566 See, Jake's father isn't really in jail. 128 00:06:41,568 --> 00:06:43,535 He's masquerading as his mother 129 00:06:43,537 --> 00:06:46,605 to avoid doing hard time on the rock. 130 00:06:46,607 --> 00:06:50,842 Now, that sounds like it couldn't possibly not be true. 131 00:06:50,844 --> 00:06:53,044 Look, if Jake really has a mother 132 00:06:53,046 --> 00:06:55,981 why is he living with his aunt and uncle? 133 00:06:55,983 --> 00:07:00,285 Tsk. I don't know, but I'm sure there's a logical explanation. 134 00:07:00,287 --> 00:07:01,920 Well, I'm not. 135 00:07:01,922 --> 00:07:04,890 To quote a famous deli owner on Melmac 136 00:07:04,892 --> 00:07:07,726 "Something is awry." 137 00:07:09,663 --> 00:07:10,862 Enjoy your dinner, ALF. 138 00:07:10,864 --> 00:07:12,030 If I find out anything more 139 00:07:12,032 --> 00:07:14,166 about Jake's mother, I'll let you know. 140 00:07:14,168 --> 00:07:18,403 Don't be afraid to ask questions. Probe. 141 00:07:18,405 --> 00:07:20,839 Go through his purse! 142 00:07:24,745 --> 00:07:26,111 Chicken. 143 00:07:27,080 --> 00:07:29,114 I'm sorry. I was detained. 144 00:07:29,116 --> 00:07:30,348 - Everything alright? - Fine. 145 00:07:30,350 --> 00:07:32,784 - No problem in the attic? - None. 146 00:07:35,622 --> 00:07:37,022 You got problems with your attic? 147 00:07:37,024 --> 00:07:41,393 Yes. N-no.. I mean, I was, but now I'm not. 148 00:07:42,463 --> 00:07:45,730 Could you pass the potatoes, please? 149 00:07:45,732 --> 00:07:47,332 I had pigeons in my attic once. 150 00:07:47,334 --> 00:07:49,034 - What a mess! - Trevor, please. 151 00:07:49,036 --> 00:07:50,702 The place looked like it was stuccoed. 152 00:07:50,704 --> 00:07:52,070 - Trevor, we're eating. - I mean-- 153 00:07:52,072 --> 00:07:55,240 What? It's not like I'm makin' it up. 154 00:07:57,277 --> 00:08:00,445 So, Elaine, how long will you be staying in California? 155 00:08:00,447 --> 00:08:02,514 - Mm, not long. - 'Well..' 156 00:08:02,516 --> 00:08:04,816 Right, mom? 157 00:08:04,818 --> 00:08:06,451 I'm leavin' on Wednesday. 158 00:08:06,453 --> 00:08:09,788 Oh, what a shame you can't stay longer. 159 00:08:09,790 --> 00:08:12,090 - Well, I-- - She can't. She-she'd love to. 160 00:08:12,092 --> 00:08:14,125 But she can't, she's gotta go back 161 00:08:14,127 --> 00:08:16,795 to New York. She lives there. 162 00:08:16,797 --> 00:08:18,363 - 'Jake.' - What? 163 00:08:18,365 --> 00:08:21,533 I'm sure your mother can speak for herself. 164 00:08:21,535 --> 00:08:22,834 I know, it's just that it's rude 165 00:08:22,836 --> 00:08:24,069 to speak with a mouthful of food. 166 00:08:24,071 --> 00:08:25,537 And my mouth was empty at the time. 167 00:08:25,539 --> 00:08:28,240 - So I thought that maybe-- - Cork it, eh, Jake? 168 00:08:28,242 --> 00:08:30,809 Kate, you got anymore of that chicken in there? 169 00:08:31,712 --> 00:08:33,778 I'll check. 170 00:08:33,780 --> 00:08:36,248 If not, I'll take a burger. 171 00:08:38,318 --> 00:08:40,552 Uh, excuse me, can I use your powder room? 172 00:08:40,554 --> 00:08:43,154 - Oh, certainly. - 'Use the one off the bedroom.' 173 00:08:43,156 --> 00:08:45,490 The other sink is stopped up. 174 00:08:49,162 --> 00:08:50,795 Uh, it's just at the end of the hall. 175 00:08:50,797 --> 00:08:52,330 - On the left. - Oh, thank you. 176 00:08:52,332 --> 00:08:54,699 Uh, l-let me show you where it is. 177 00:08:54,701 --> 00:08:57,402 I'm sure I can find it myself. 178 00:08:57,404 --> 00:08:58,837 Excuse me. 179 00:09:00,474 --> 00:09:01,540 [Jake sighs] 180 00:09:03,477 --> 00:09:04,910 What? 181 00:09:09,683 --> 00:09:11,950 Uh-oh, nature's calling 182 00:09:11,952 --> 00:09:14,486 and the phones are all downstairs. 183 00:09:16,023 --> 00:09:18,523 Okay, ALF, just concentrate. 184 00:09:18,525 --> 00:09:23,395 Mind over bladder. Mind over bladder. 185 00:09:26,066 --> 00:09:27,999 Bladder over mind. 186 00:09:30,304 --> 00:09:33,305 [comical music] 187 00:09:49,656 --> 00:09:52,657 [music continues] 188 00:10:05,372 --> 00:10:06,504 [door shuts] 189 00:10:09,142 --> 00:10:12,510 No wonder Jake didn't wanna talk about his mother. 190 00:10:12,512 --> 00:10:14,179 She's a crook. 191 00:10:18,485 --> 00:10:20,485 [instrumental music] 192 00:10:22,856 --> 00:10:24,656 Great dessert, Kate. 193 00:10:24,658 --> 00:10:26,124 Thank you for a lovely dinner. 194 00:10:26,126 --> 00:10:28,627 Well, you're very welcome. 195 00:10:28,629 --> 00:10:30,495 Let's go. 196 00:10:30,497 --> 00:10:32,430 Wait a second, Jake. 197 00:10:32,432 --> 00:10:35,233 Simple items were simply delicious, Kate. 198 00:10:35,235 --> 00:10:37,569 You shouldn't feel bad about the chicken. 199 00:10:38,672 --> 00:10:40,605 Thank you. 200 00:10:40,607 --> 00:10:42,107 Let's go, come on! 201 00:10:42,109 --> 00:10:43,508 What's your hurry? 202 00:10:43,510 --> 00:10:46,044 - I got homework. - Homework? 203 00:10:46,046 --> 00:10:48,113 Since when have you been an overachiever? 204 00:10:48,115 --> 00:10:51,182 Cool your jets, we're coming, alright? 205 00:10:51,184 --> 00:10:53,685 Well, I guess we should be going. 206 00:10:53,687 --> 00:10:55,854 - Bye, Kate. - Buh-bye. 207 00:10:55,856 --> 00:10:56,888 - Bye. - Bye-Bye. 208 00:10:56,890 --> 00:10:59,324 Hm. 209 00:10:59,326 --> 00:11:01,393 What in the world is wrong with Jake? 210 00:11:01,395 --> 00:11:03,528 I'm glad you've asked that question. 211 00:11:03,530 --> 00:11:06,264 ALF, what are you doing downstairs? 212 00:11:06,266 --> 00:11:09,134 Uh, Willie, you're probably wondering 213 00:11:09,136 --> 00:11:11,302 why I've gathered you all here. 214 00:11:11,304 --> 00:11:13,571 That's it, from now on when we have guests 215 00:11:13,573 --> 00:11:15,874 you will stay in the garage. 216 00:11:15,876 --> 00:11:17,275 A-ha! 217 00:11:17,277 --> 00:11:19,077 But if I was in the garage 218 00:11:19,079 --> 00:11:22,514 I wouldn't have found out what I found out. 219 00:11:23,750 --> 00:11:25,583 What did you find out? 220 00:11:25,585 --> 00:11:27,152 I'll give you a hint. 221 00:11:27,154 --> 00:11:31,056 It's what I did to your hearts the day I came here. 222 00:11:31,058 --> 00:11:34,092 Um, break. 223 00:11:34,094 --> 00:11:36,828 I said hearts, not house. 224 00:11:36,830 --> 00:11:39,364 Oh, stop trying to change the subject, ALF. 225 00:11:39,366 --> 00:11:41,933 You know that you were supposed to stay in the attic. 226 00:11:41,935 --> 00:11:44,636 I'm not trying to change the subject. 227 00:11:44,638 --> 00:11:48,173 Okay, I am. But this is really, really good! 228 00:11:48,175 --> 00:11:49,641 You wanna hear it? 229 00:11:49,643 --> 00:11:51,176 No. 230 00:11:51,178 --> 00:11:54,312 But it'll clear up two mysteries at once. 231 00:11:54,314 --> 00:11:57,415 A, why is Jake acting so weird? 232 00:11:57,417 --> 00:12:01,886 And B, where is Kate's big, red pin? 233 00:12:01,888 --> 00:12:03,221 You mean my garnet brooch? 234 00:12:03,223 --> 00:12:04,656 The one that belonged to my grandmother? 235 00:12:04,658 --> 00:12:08,159 The one that looked like a bunch of lumpy grapes. 236 00:12:08,161 --> 00:12:10,428 It's in my jewelry box. 237 00:12:10,430 --> 00:12:12,464 [imitates buzzer] Wrong! 238 00:12:12,466 --> 00:12:15,333 It used to be in your jewelry box. 239 00:12:15,335 --> 00:12:18,870 Now it's in Jake's mother's pocket. 240 00:12:18,872 --> 00:12:23,708 Oh, ALF! Why would you say something like that? 241 00:12:23,710 --> 00:12:25,443 Because it's true. 242 00:12:25,445 --> 00:12:28,313 I happened to be strolling past your boudoir door 243 00:12:28,315 --> 00:12:31,783 while she was doing the old five-finger fandango 244 00:12:31,785 --> 00:12:34,486 in your jewelry box. 245 00:12:34,488 --> 00:12:36,921 I'll go check. 246 00:12:36,923 --> 00:12:38,890 You're not kidding, are you? 247 00:12:38,892 --> 00:12:42,794 Trust me, the woman's a felon! 248 00:12:42,796 --> 00:12:45,396 You better be right about this, you know, it's very dangerous 249 00:12:45,398 --> 00:12:49,234 to wrongfully accuse people of misdeeds. 250 00:12:49,236 --> 00:12:53,271 Misdeeds? What are you, writing commandments now? 251 00:12:55,108 --> 00:12:57,776 Do you think Jake knows about this? 252 00:12:57,778 --> 00:12:59,177 Sure! 253 00:12:59,179 --> 00:13:00,779 Why else do you think he's been acting like 254 00:13:00,781 --> 00:13:04,349 Norman Bates on Mother's Day? 255 00:13:04,351 --> 00:13:07,285 Is Jake's mom a crook, dad? 256 00:13:07,287 --> 00:13:10,355 Oh, I don't think so, B. 257 00:13:10,357 --> 00:13:14,058 After all, she's only an Ochmonek by marriage. 258 00:13:14,060 --> 00:13:17,228 ALF's right. My brooch is gone. 259 00:13:17,230 --> 00:13:19,798 You doubted my veracity? 260 00:13:19,800 --> 00:13:21,733 That pains me. 261 00:13:23,003 --> 00:13:24,302 Willie, what are we gonna do? 262 00:13:24,304 --> 00:13:26,971 That brooch has been in my family for so long. 263 00:13:26,973 --> 00:13:30,141 Well, the situation has to be handled delicately. 264 00:13:30,143 --> 00:13:31,643 I'll speak to Trevor. 265 00:13:31,645 --> 00:13:33,645 What am I saying? 266 00:13:33,647 --> 00:13:36,748 Hey, hey, let me straighten it out with Jake. 267 00:13:36,750 --> 00:13:39,184 I can handle it. 268 00:13:39,186 --> 00:13:42,120 Well, alright, ALF, you can speak to Jake. 269 00:13:42,122 --> 00:13:43,755 But remember, be tactful. 270 00:13:43,757 --> 00:13:46,457 Explain to him that we don't wanna cause him any problems. 271 00:13:46,459 --> 00:13:49,661 We just want that brooch back. 272 00:13:49,663 --> 00:13:51,229 Don't worry. 273 00:13:51,231 --> 00:13:54,032 I know just how to handle this. 274 00:13:54,034 --> 00:13:56,901 Where do we keep the hot light and the bull horn? 275 00:13:58,104 --> 00:14:01,306 [instrumental music] 276 00:14:04,744 --> 00:14:07,312 [footsteps approaching] 277 00:14:07,314 --> 00:14:09,414 Uh, Brian said you wanted to talk to me? 278 00:14:09,416 --> 00:14:12,050 Oh, yeah, I did. I do. 279 00:14:12,052 --> 00:14:14,719 I did and I do. Both. 280 00:14:16,456 --> 00:14:18,489 So talk. 281 00:14:19,960 --> 00:14:22,193 You start. 282 00:14:22,195 --> 00:14:24,596 I don't have anything to talk about. 283 00:14:25,532 --> 00:14:27,665 Nothing you wanna say to me? 284 00:14:27,667 --> 00:14:30,735 No, you're the one who wanted to talk to me, remember? 285 00:14:30,737 --> 00:14:33,304 Ah, yes, yes. 286 00:14:35,642 --> 00:14:38,142 [sighs] 287 00:14:38,144 --> 00:14:40,578 - Well? - Well.. 288 00:14:40,580 --> 00:14:43,314 What I have to talk about is difficult. 289 00:14:43,316 --> 00:14:48,219 I don't know how to broach the subject. 290 00:14:49,956 --> 00:14:51,489 You can trust me. 291 00:14:51,491 --> 00:14:54,859 I know. And I appreciate that, Jake. 292 00:14:54,861 --> 00:14:59,264 I'm glad you could steal some time to talk with me. 293 00:15:00,100 --> 00:15:01,900 My pleasure. 294 00:15:01,902 --> 00:15:04,035 I mean, I don't wanna rob you 295 00:15:04,037 --> 00:15:06,871 of any time with your mother. 296 00:15:06,873 --> 00:15:08,706 What are you trying to say, ALF? 297 00:15:08,708 --> 00:15:10,008 Nothing. 298 00:15:10,010 --> 00:15:12,277 If I had something to say about your mother 299 00:15:12,279 --> 00:15:13,912 I'd say it. 300 00:15:15,482 --> 00:15:17,215 What about my mother? 301 00:15:17,217 --> 00:15:19,317 Well, she seems very nice. 302 00:15:19,319 --> 00:15:20,919 I mean, we haven't met or anything 303 00:15:20,921 --> 00:15:24,722 but she certainly doesn't look like a thief. 304 00:15:24,724 --> 00:15:26,925 She's not a thief. 305 00:15:26,927 --> 00:15:30,695 Okay, she's a sleepwalker who's into accessories. 306 00:15:31,598 --> 00:15:34,732 She's neither of those either. 307 00:15:34,734 --> 00:15:39,804 Well, I saw her take a brooch from Kate's jewelry box. 308 00:15:41,141 --> 00:15:44,575 [sighs] I was afraid of that. 309 00:15:44,577 --> 00:15:47,478 So you do know something about this. 310 00:15:48,114 --> 00:15:49,514 Yeah. 311 00:15:50,750 --> 00:15:55,119 [chuckles] See, my mom's a kleptomaniac. 312 00:15:55,121 --> 00:15:56,721 Uh-huh? 313 00:15:58,625 --> 00:16:00,591 A what? 314 00:16:00,593 --> 00:16:04,329 She doesn't mean to take things that don't belong to her. 315 00:16:04,331 --> 00:16:07,765 The doctor says she just can't help herself. 316 00:16:07,767 --> 00:16:10,868 I think the problem is she does help herself. 317 00:16:12,439 --> 00:16:15,473 It-it's a sickness of the mind, kinda. 318 00:16:15,475 --> 00:16:19,344 I thought she was coming out here to tell me she was better. 319 00:16:19,346 --> 00:16:21,612 Well, it's a small brooch. 320 00:16:21,614 --> 00:16:24,382 Maybe she's trying to cut down. 321 00:16:24,384 --> 00:16:27,452 Look, I'll get it back, don't worry. 322 00:16:27,454 --> 00:16:30,521 What are you gonna say to her? 323 00:16:30,523 --> 00:16:32,957 I don't know, I-I-I guess I'll wait till she's asleep 324 00:16:32,959 --> 00:16:35,526 and lift it off her. 325 00:16:35,528 --> 00:16:38,229 Who are you people, the Capones? 326 00:16:38,231 --> 00:16:40,465 You've gotta talk to her about this. 327 00:16:40,467 --> 00:16:41,966 It won't do any good, besides 328 00:16:41,968 --> 00:16:44,302 she's going back to New York tomorrow. 329 00:16:44,304 --> 00:16:46,871 Oh, good, she'll take Manhattan, the Bronx 330 00:16:46,873 --> 00:16:49,173 and Staten Island, too. 331 00:16:49,175 --> 00:16:53,244 Look, ALF, I've had this fight with my mother a million times. 332 00:16:53,246 --> 00:16:56,014 [scoffs] I give up on her. 333 00:16:56,016 --> 00:16:58,983 Well, how could you give up on your own mother? 334 00:16:58,985 --> 00:17:02,687 I mean, it's not like she's the Cubs. 335 00:17:02,689 --> 00:17:05,857 Look, I said I'd get your stupid pin, didn't I? 336 00:17:05,859 --> 00:17:07,525 Now why don't you just leave me alone? 337 00:17:11,331 --> 00:17:13,598 Well, if you're gonna be that way about it 338 00:17:13,600 --> 00:17:15,867 I suggest you leave. 339 00:17:17,871 --> 00:17:20,872 [instrumental music] 340 00:17:25,311 --> 00:17:26,878 [knocking on door] 341 00:17:26,880 --> 00:17:29,247 - Uh, hi, mom. - Hi, honey. 342 00:17:29,249 --> 00:17:30,648 Come on in. 343 00:17:33,219 --> 00:17:36,020 - Uh, nice suitcase. - Thanks. 344 00:17:37,457 --> 00:17:40,124 - Those aren't your initials. - I won it. 345 00:17:42,762 --> 00:17:44,762 You know, um 346 00:17:44,764 --> 00:17:47,265 there's something I'd like to talk to you about. 347 00:17:47,267 --> 00:17:50,501 Hm, me, too. But, uh, you go first. 348 00:17:51,471 --> 00:17:53,337 Well, since school's 349 00:17:53,339 --> 00:17:55,673 almost out for the summer anyway 350 00:17:55,675 --> 00:17:59,143 I thought you'd might wanna come home with me now. 351 00:17:59,145 --> 00:18:02,346 Oh, I thought maybe you wanted to talk about dinner 352 00:18:02,348 --> 00:18:04,449 at the Tanners last night. 353 00:18:05,618 --> 00:18:09,554 What do you mean? I had a very nice time. 354 00:18:09,556 --> 00:18:11,823 About what happened there. 355 00:18:13,059 --> 00:18:14,358 We ate roast chicken. 356 00:18:14,360 --> 00:18:16,194 After that. 357 00:18:16,196 --> 00:18:18,696 - We had coffee. - Before that. 358 00:18:18,698 --> 00:18:21,132 Look, as much as I'm enjoying this trip down memory lane 359 00:18:21,134 --> 00:18:23,701 would you like to tell me what you're getting at? 360 00:18:23,703 --> 00:18:26,370 Look, I know you took a pin 361 00:18:26,372 --> 00:18:29,173 out of Mrs. Tanner's jewelry box last night. 362 00:18:29,175 --> 00:18:30,775 That's impossible! 363 00:18:30,777 --> 00:18:32,243 Impossible you could have taken it 364 00:18:32,245 --> 00:18:34,112 or impossible I could know about it? 365 00:18:34,114 --> 00:18:37,148 I didn't. And even if I did, everybody was at dinner. 366 00:18:37,150 --> 00:18:39,984 - Nobody could have possibly-- - Nothing's changed, has it, ma? 367 00:18:39,986 --> 00:18:42,153 Yeah, something's changed, you got a mouth. 368 00:18:42,155 --> 00:18:45,656 [scoffs] How could you? How could you steal from the Tanners? 369 00:18:45,658 --> 00:18:47,391 They're my friends, ma. 370 00:18:47,393 --> 00:18:49,393 I was gonna give it back. 371 00:18:49,395 --> 00:18:51,395 Actually, it's pretty tacky. 372 00:18:51,397 --> 00:18:54,665 [scoffs] I-I can't believe you! 373 00:18:54,667 --> 00:18:56,434 You come out here hopin' I'll go back with you 374 00:18:56,436 --> 00:18:59,604 and then you pull somethin' like this! 375 00:18:59,606 --> 00:19:03,207 Honey, you know I never planned to do this. 376 00:19:05,345 --> 00:19:07,011 It just happens. 377 00:19:16,489 --> 00:19:19,757 The problem is that it's still happenin'. 378 00:19:19,759 --> 00:19:22,193 [scoffs] Are-are you seein' your shrink? 379 00:19:25,098 --> 00:19:26,364 [sighs] I give up. 380 00:19:26,366 --> 00:19:27,431 If you won't help yourself 381 00:19:27,433 --> 00:19:29,200 there's nothin' I can do. 382 00:19:29,202 --> 00:19:31,636 Yes, there is. 383 00:19:31,638 --> 00:19:33,437 You could come home with me. 384 00:19:33,439 --> 00:19:35,439 We made a deal, remember? 385 00:19:35,441 --> 00:19:37,241 I would come home when you were better. 386 00:19:37,243 --> 00:19:39,644 I am better. 387 00:19:39,646 --> 00:19:41,913 Well, I'm-I'm almost better. 388 00:19:41,915 --> 00:19:45,716 A-and it would be a lot easier if you were there with me. 389 00:19:45,718 --> 00:19:49,921 We tried that before. I'm not what you need right now. 390 00:19:49,923 --> 00:19:52,657 - Jake, you-- - I want things to work out! 391 00:19:52,659 --> 00:19:55,193 But you have to want it, too. 392 00:19:55,195 --> 00:19:56,928 I do. 393 00:19:56,930 --> 00:20:00,097 Then how about goin' next door and givin' this pin back 394 00:20:00,099 --> 00:20:01,766 to Mrs. Tanner? 395 00:20:02,435 --> 00:20:03,901 I can't. 396 00:20:06,406 --> 00:20:10,074 I'm-I'm-I'm sorry, Jake. I'd like to. 397 00:20:11,544 --> 00:20:12,977 I just.. 398 00:20:14,514 --> 00:20:16,280 I just can't. 399 00:20:18,818 --> 00:20:20,184 Not yet. 400 00:20:28,528 --> 00:20:30,428 Yo, Jake. 401 00:20:30,430 --> 00:20:33,097 ALF, how long have you been out there? 402 00:20:33,099 --> 00:20:35,166 Long enough. 403 00:20:35,168 --> 00:20:38,636 But for what it's worth, I think you did the right thing. 404 00:20:38,638 --> 00:20:42,073 Yeah. So how come I feel so crummy? 405 00:20:42,075 --> 00:20:45,176 You ate Kate's cooking last night, remember? 406 00:20:46,946 --> 00:20:50,548 Anyway, I'm glad you're not going back to New York. 407 00:20:50,550 --> 00:20:53,384 I, uh, kinda wish I was. 408 00:20:53,386 --> 00:20:57,788 Well, that was really nice what you said to your mom. 409 00:20:57,790 --> 00:20:59,290 You know, there's nothing like the love 410 00:20:59,292 --> 00:21:01,826 between a mother and child. 411 00:21:01,828 --> 00:21:05,029 Except, maybe the love between two florists. 412 00:21:06,766 --> 00:21:09,367 Give this back to Mrs. Tanner, would you? 413 00:21:09,369 --> 00:21:13,137 And, uh, tell her I'm, we're sorry. 414 00:21:14,607 --> 00:21:17,174 So what happens to your mother now? 415 00:21:17,176 --> 00:21:20,511 I guess she'll go back to her doctor. 416 00:21:20,513 --> 00:21:22,213 Well, I hope he's an eye doctor. 417 00:21:22,215 --> 00:21:26,150 This is the ugliest pin I've ever seen! 418 00:21:26,152 --> 00:21:30,154 Looks like a blood clot. Ha. Blood clot! 419 00:21:30,156 --> 00:21:32,156 Ha. Oh, I kill me. 420 00:21:32,158 --> 00:21:34,825 [laughing] 421 00:21:34,827 --> 00:21:36,861 [instrumental music] 422 00:21:38,498 --> 00:21:40,998 [instrumental music] 423 00:21:42,769 --> 00:21:44,001 I still don't get it. 424 00:21:44,003 --> 00:21:46,270 How come Jake's mother takes stuff 425 00:21:46,272 --> 00:21:48,939 but she's not a crook? 426 00:21:48,941 --> 00:21:52,176 Well, Jake's mother suffers from a psychological disorder 427 00:21:52,178 --> 00:21:55,079 that motivates her to steal impulsively 428 00:21:55,081 --> 00:21:59,317 without being prompted by any apparent need or desire. 429 00:22:00,553 --> 00:22:03,554 Thanks for clearing that up, dad. 430 00:22:03,556 --> 00:22:05,256 How's Jake taking all of this? 431 00:22:05,258 --> 00:22:07,658 The poor boy's been through an awful lot. 432 00:22:07,660 --> 00:22:09,093 Well, he's doing much better. 433 00:22:09,095 --> 00:22:12,096 His mom went back to New York early this morning. 434 00:22:12,098 --> 00:22:14,799 Did they resolve anything before she left? 435 00:22:14,801 --> 00:22:16,500 Only that he won't go back to live with her 436 00:22:16,502 --> 00:22:17,868 until she gets help. 437 00:22:17,870 --> 00:22:19,570 Oh, that's too bad. 438 00:22:19,572 --> 00:22:23,207 Well, maybe that's exactly the motivation that she needed. 439 00:22:23,209 --> 00:22:25,142 Maybe. Maybe not. 440 00:22:25,144 --> 00:22:28,079 She took Trevor's coin collection with her. 441 00:22:29,882 --> 00:22:32,183 [instrumental music] 442 00:22:33,219 --> 00:22:36,220 [theme music] 443 00:22:55,508 --> 00:22:58,709 [music continues] 444 00:23:00,813 --> 00:23:03,280 [ALF laughing] 445 00:23:04,217 --> 00:23:07,218 [instrumental music]